jottings of joy

oh how i miss the [university] classroom...

2012-01-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

yep.

i began my internship.

at the local alternative middle school for at risk youth.

although it is a little (HOLY COW... more like SOOO) scary and intimidating, i think (hope) i'll love it.

the staff members that i'm working with are incredible and so so sweet.

it will be an incredible learning and growing experience.

but...

i miss spending most of my time in the classroom!

taking notes and having discussions!

wearing fun clothes...

(now i wear slacks and sweaters and normal adult attire with no holes or coffee stains... yuck)

and working on group projects with these ladies!

(see how much fun we have)

instead i'm working on individual papers, journals and being a lonely lowly student intern.

i have lost all sense of a social life.

at least last semester during group meetings, activities and discussions i had time to socialize and work on my social skills.

now i will probably become increasingly socially inept, awkward and (if its possible) pale.

but thursday is my highlight day:

where i get to go back to the classroom for my capstone senior seminar

where we get to gush about our internships

where i am back to being with my community and peer group.

where i get to wear holey, coffee stained, comfy, fun clothes!

i miss community, accountability, excitement for scholastic and academic work.

being a student is fun when you love what you are learning!

i don't know if i'm ever suppose to work...

maybe the life of a student is the life for me!

yo ho yo ho.

how i know....

2012-01-14T01:01:00.000-08:00

... that andru fleenor is perfect.

last night i had a meltdown.

i've been writing numerous 3-7 page personal statements for grad school applications over the last few days.

my mom came into my room after editing one of them and said "alissa... this needs some work! i cant tell you are burnt out. we'll work on it tonight!"

my response, instead of being thankful and appreciative was to get overwhelmed and discouraged. i started crying and thinking:

if i can't even write a personal statement how am i suppose to be successful in graduate school? i'm a failure.

then i decided to change my mood. i stood up and saw a bag of chips and a candy wrapper around my room and got upset again. i thought:

i'm so fat! i can't even stop myself from anything! i have no self control! i'm a failure.
not to mention... its was the most emotional (hormonal) day of the month for me.

then i realized that i had to finish that application and write another one that night:

i quit. i'm done.

while drowning in a mess of self-pity my phone rang. it was andru.

"..hello..?"

"hey!"

"...hi."

"what's wrong?!"
..pause..

I begin to hysterically sob. "I'M A MESS! I've been working on all my papers and my mom came in and she hates them! I am a failure! I have more to write and I'm just over it! I don't want to go to graduate school anytime! On top of that I am so FAT! I have chips and candy all around my room and I am just so disappointed in myself. I'm a big fat failure!"

there was a short pause and then he began to laugh out loud..

"...HAHAHAHA! you are so cute!"

my mood couldn't help but lift a little but i was still determined to be upset.

"this is not funny and i am not cute!"

he calmed me down with his genuine concern. he said i was just overwhelmed and stressed and talked me down. then asked if he could pray for me right then.

thanks for being the best dru. love you.

laughing at God...

2012-01-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

Laughing With Video

by regina spektor

i just heard this song for the first time, which i can't believe because i've had it on my computer for a long long time.

but i'm into it.

i recommend giving it a listen.

it is interesting how our reactions, opinions and views in relation to God change in our different situations and stages...

but He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God
When they're starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one's laughing at God
When it's gotten real late and their kid's not back from the party yet

No one laughs at God
When their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake
No one's laughing at God
When they see the one they love hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they're mistaken

No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one's laughing at God
When there's a famine or fire or flood

But God could be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God themed joke or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke

God could be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
{ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/regina-spektor-lyrics/laughing-with-lyrics.html }
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God
When they've lost all they've got and they don't know what for

No one laughs at God
On the day they realize that the last sight they'll ever see
Is a pair of hateful eyes
No one's laughing at God
When they're saying their goodbyes

But God could be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God themed joke or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke

God could be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war

No one laughing at God in a hospital
No one's laughing at God in a war
No one's laughing at God
When they're starving or freezing or so very poor

No one's laughing at God
No one's laughing at God
No one's laughing at God
We're all laughing with God

happy birthday gram!

2012-01-11T08:50:00.000-08:00

happy 80th birthday!

this was taken 4 days before her 80th birthday... can you believe it?

you are the prettiest and youngest 80 year old i've ever known!

not many 80 year olds can:

crawl into bed like a little girl

climb down to a waterfall

stay madly in love with their husbands

plan spur of the moment birthday vacations

but you can!

my gram is only 80 years young today!

hope you have the best day ever gram!

new years.

2012-01-09T00:53:00.000-08:00

we have said goodbye to 2011 and we are now into 2012.

to celebrate the new year, i had a lovely visit from andru.

we had too much fun.

wine tasting on a date with mama in los olivos.

andru sits in front because he gets carsick, and it is such a joy to listen to him and my mom bonding and genuinely enjoying each others company.

that night we had game night with my mom and dad. we pulled out the roulette table and had a blast.

breakfast with my grandparents at apple farm.

we took a little stroll after with my [80 YEAR OLD] grandparents down to this waterfall.

we made dinner for date night.

andru grilled steak and i made goat cheese & herbed mashed potatos and spiced veggies.

we enjoyed some california reserve wine too.

san francisco for new years.

we met up with some friends and had the best view in the city for fireworks.

we spent some time with jordie, and enjoyed sightseeing and dining.

had visitors in san luis.

paul, jade & aziel came to visit san luis. i was the tour guide, with help from the expert.. andru fleenor.

we ate some yummy slo food and went to some brewerys and we wine tasted.

celebrated our one year.

we had a great time!

alissa's firsts

[that happened to happen in 2011]

got a tattoo
fell in love

went to washington (as an adult)

went to oregon (as an adult)

went to indiana

went to illinois

turned 21

went to tucson

lived in spain

bathed topless

skinny dipped in the mediterranean
decided to get my phd
decided to become a social work university professor

went to michigan

gambled with my father

became a silver preferred member with us airways

quite a controversial year i suppose? oops...

predictions for 2012

graduate from nau with my bsw

begin graduate school for my msw

move to a brand new state

and who knows what else but i'm excited to find out!

happy new year!

one year.

2012-01-03T19:16:00.000-08:00

we started dating one year ago today.

january 2011.

one year later.

january 2012.

madly in love and happy as can be.

bye white fall. hello green winter.

2011-12-27T11:49:00.000-08:00

winter began snowy, chilly and charming for me in flagstaff.

there is something very beautiful, relaxing and soothing about being in the snow.

everyone slows down, enjoys where they are, because lets face it, they really can't go anywhere.

music is prettier, food is yummier, tea is warmer.

so i must say. i miss my little snowy train-track town on the top of the mountain.

but i have come home now.

the holiday season began with a roadtrip from wintery flagstaff to california.

mariam and i did so much while she was visiting me in san luis.

wine tasting

downtown

north county tour

pirates cove

avila beach

see canyon

we had a lot of fun

since then, i've been spending lots of much needed time with my family

aunt cathy and uncle jeff came for christmas eve at the grandparents

i've had mama dates, daddy dates, andy dates and entire family dates

today, i'm sitting at work with mama, and have completed two graduate school applications.

but guess who's coming to visit me tomorrow?

YOU GUESSED IT

ANDRU SCOTT FLEENOR

i can't wait. we are going to have so much fun together for a whole week!

we are going up to san francisco for new years. guess who's meeting us up there?

YOU GUESSED IT

PAUL KIM

on our way down, paul and friends are staying with us in slo so he can see my family and get some time together before he goes to germany [really: so i have time to plot how i'm going to kidnap him and stuff him in my suitcase].

i also just bought my ticket home [flagstaff] for january 17th.

so until then i'll be with friends and family, finishing applications, graduation parties, celebrating birthdays, and more!

another goodbye.

2011-12-20T15:59:00.000-08:00

yet again, i am saying goodbye to another friend.

after hillary left

alli left

steph [f] left

steph [s] left

and now... paul's leaving

paul is going to germany to student teach with the department of defense.

he'll be exploring, discovering and loving europe for the entire semester.

we had a goodbye party for him, jade and aziel.

it actually hit me that paul wasn't going to be in flagstaff next semester.

im so sad that almost every time i think about it i cry, but i couldn't be more excited for him!

but i sure am going to miss my best friend!

my talking buddy

my drinking buddy

my dining buddy

my venting buddy

my laughing buddy

my movie buddy

my disneyland buddy

my shopping buddy

we've been through a lot together, and germany is nothing!

love you and proud of you paul!

my crush.

2011-12-17T23:35:00.000-08:00

jimmy fallon.

he is stinkin' cute and so funny!

and he is hosting snl tonight and i cant wait.

number one celebrity crush for sure.

vegas.

2011-12-14T00:48:00.000-08:00

this weekend, since both stephs had time off, paul had the weekend free and i'm all done with school, we decided to go to

vegas

saturday

so saturday morning, paul and i drove up and picked them up from the vegas airport.

we went to breakfast, and sat and talked for over 3 hours.

then we went to the hotel, checked in and took a long, long nap.

we woke up and went to dinner, where we also sat for over 3 hours.

discussing everything from jesus, to friends, to cults, to the future, to the poverty line, to celebrity gossip, to memories.

saturday night dinner

after dinner we drove to our ever-so-loved fremont street.

we went from casino to casino, playing penny slots, nickle slots and quarter slots.

i made $5 and cashed out.

fremont

while on fremont we went into the back of a casino where we found a pub/cigar lounge.

we had chicago deep dish and beer and continued our conversation.

at around 3am we left, and went back to the hotel.

sunday

we woke up around 1pm, and started day 2.

paul called this the "big day" since we'd be waking up and falling asleep there.

on our "big day" we drove to a place called sushi factory for all you can eat sushi.

we had miso soup, sunomono, about 12-15 rolls, as well as green tea ice cream.

we sat, ate, talked and laughed for another, you guess it, 3+ hours.

then we went back and decided to walk the strip.

paul was dying to see the bellagio's christmas decorations so we strolled on in.

we also saw steph [s]'s favorite: paris paris.

steph [f] and i were dying to see new york new york... so we did.

bellagio tree

beside's being our "big day" it was also our celebration of new year's eve.

since we can't celebrate it together we decided to make our own.

that night we also went to see "new year's eve" the movie, which made us all laugh and cry.

after the movie we got a bottle of champagne and walked around the town shouting "happy new year!"

my favorite part of the evening was during our paris paris exploration.

we stumbled upon a piano bar, which was so fun.

we sat and drank our bottle of champagne, listening to amazing piano and entertainment performers.

then at around 2am we went back to new york new york to get some food.

after that we went back to the room and played board games till 4:30am!

monday

we woke up, again at 1pm.

we got ready, then headed out for another afternoon on the strip.

we went to pink's hot dogs, which is a los angeles favorite, that paul and i both have had, but both stephanie's hadn't.

then we walked through the miracle mile shops.

after the miracle mile we ran through caesar's palace to get a dress for me for our next exciting vegas experience. im proud to say, i walked in, took 3 minutes to pick a dress, try on a dress over my clothes, by the dress and be out the door.

i kick paul's butt at speed shopping.

we ran back to the hotel to get ready. steph [f] and i slipped and fell from the rain.

we got the hotel, got ready and took the shuttle to mandalay bay to see

the lion king

the worlds cutest friends at lion king

it was my 5th time seeing it, and all three of their 1st times.

we loved it. it was the best rafiki i've seen.

paul cried like a baby the whole time.

after the show

after the show we went to an irish pub and got beer and corn beef and cabbage.

we analyzed the show as well as talked about our christmas memories as children, how we want to raise our children, values and ideas, etc. it was delicious, emotional, insightful and enjoyable.

we wanted to go to the luxor to the bar where we all went one year earlier, but it was closed, so we went to a different lounge. we had a loving time of sharing why we are thankful for each other, and how our friendship as a group is so special.

we discussed struggles and hardship, encouraging each other and speaking truth to one another.

we went around the circle sharing goals of resolutions, since it was a new years vegas celebration after all. we vowed to keep each other accountable.

these are my best of best friends.

who hold my heart, point it towards jesus, and adore it.

i am loved for simply being me.

which is how i feel about each of them.

it was one of the best weekends of my life.

weather.

2011-12-06T08:13:00.001-08:00

today

25 degrees

tonight

-3 degrees

silver preferred.

2011-12-06T01:07:00.000-08:00

this morning as i was checking in for my flight back to arizona when andru noticed a special button on the check in page

it said:

COMPLIMENTARY UPGRADE

"what?!"

we clicked it. and i was upgraded. for free.

i later learned that

i am now a

yep. since i have a balance of over 32,500 miles, i have achieved silver status with us airways.

i now have benefits such as:

first class upgrades:

when an upgrade is available, i'm automatically upgraded

first and second checked bags free

reserving preferred seats

priority check in, boarding and security lines

priority stand by and standby fee waived

companion benefits:

all passengers flying with me get the same silver treatment

i had never sat in first class.

in the beginning i felt bad about it.

i felt like in a knights tale when all the rich folk sat together, with the bigger seats and their own bathroom. and the peasants had to sit in the back, packed in like sardenes.

but after i was given glasses of wine in real glass, and was actually comfortable for once, i started getting used to it. then they served dinner... now im hooked. i don't know how i'll ever fly again.

thank you us airways for giving me some back!

i'm proud to get the silver!

breakfast in bed.

2011-12-01T06:50:00.000-08:00

this morning i heard the door open, and in came kristopher, lizzy's fiance.

"what are you doing here?" she asked him

"to make you breakfast"

"why?"

"because i love you!"

a few moments later:

as i'm sitting in bed finishing a paper, in walks kristopher, with this in hand:

for me? thank you kristopher!

what a guy.

tonight lizzy and i are having girls night.

make over night.

dinner.

movie.

shopping.

girl time.

lizzy and kristopher, i tell you.

this pair is a hit in my book.

rackin up the frequent flyer miles.

2011-11-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

i celebrated my daddy's 65th birthday with him in vegas.

we had a blast!

gambled. drank. ate. too much.

my daddy is my kindred spirit.

then i flew home for a week to enjoy time with my family.

it was relaxing and lovely.

i am flying to indiana on friday and i cant wait to enjoy the worlds most wonderful smile.

...too stinking cute to keep myself from for too long...

and its been too long

i can't wait

why is it that hardly any love songs are about long distance relationships, but during the holidays, when your heart is the most sensitive, every single romantic song is about missing your loved one?

its really annoying.

my ldr, as i like to call it, is hard enough. i do not need to be bombarded with songs of separation from my loved one during the most romantic holiday of christmas.

but as of now im beaming to spend a few days together.

happy birthday steph!

2011-11-18T09:09:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST FRIEND AND SISTER

STEPHANIE FLEENOR

She is 25 years old

TODAY

So I thought I'd celebrate my dear friend today by revealing my

25 Favorite's of Stephanie Fleenor

She is the funniest person I know

She makes me laugh more than I ever do!

I come alive when I’m with her

Every experience is more fun with Stephanie

I can do anything with anyone, but when I'm with Stephanie, just by her being there, it is more fun, funnier, and more enjoyable

She loves to eat & drink

She loves to talk

All day, every day we sit, eat, drink &talk.

My favorite memories are with her

I can guarantee she is on a long list of people’s “favorite people list”

People who know Stephanie, adore her.

8. Her caution and trust

Stephanie is very cautious of who she allows into her heart. But when she decides to trust and love someone, its the richest love & trust

9. Her discernment

I have the worst discernment. I pick the worst people to like, trust and become friends with. It takes me about a month to realize that the friends I've made are awful. I can trust Steph's discernment. She helps me with my life choices :)

10.

Her ability to enhance any situation just by being a part of it

11.

She gets to be my sister forever

We'll be in each other's weddings, spend holidays together, play with each other's kids and be their aunts. Forever.

12.

She introduced me to the love of my life

13.

Her honesty

I can always trust she'll be honest with me.

14.

Her tender and vulnerable heart

15.

Her generosity

16.

Her wisdom and intelligence

17.

Her taste in music and movies

18.

She taught me how to be satisfied with myself in every situation

She taught me that I don't need to wear make up to be beautiful. I don't need to take an hour to get ready to be pleased with myself and for people to be pleased with me. That how I present myself is not what matters, and that my personality and spirit is richer than that.

19.

When she chooses to love, she loves deeper than anyone I know

20. Her depth

So many people who have met or are acquaintances with Stephanie would say she is the funniest person and the most fun, but there is a depth to Stephanie that comes with her trusting you. She feels deeper, loves deeper, scars deeper, fears deeper than anyone would guess until she reveals those parts of herself.

21.

Her hunger for experience

And how she feeds experience to everyone she's around

22.

Her work ethic

She works harder than anyone I know.

23.

She introduced me to parts of myself I didn’t know

24.

Being with Stephanie makes my heart feel at home

I can be somewhere I hate, somewhere uncomfortable, somewhere new, but I feel more at home somehow just by her being with me.

25.

She taught me about the value of friendship

She always says: "friends should be called family, and family should have a different name that they haven't come up with yet". Her deep, long lasting friendships she's invested in hold the same value that the term family holds. I learned to hold the same value for the closest friends I have.

I wasn't born with sisters. But I now have two sisters who have changed my life.

They love me more

They know me more

They've taught me more

Than ever before.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST FRIEND AND SISTER!

update.

2011-11-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

i haven't been around for almost seven months. but i'm back.

here is an update.

may

andru came out to flagstaff

then we went to tuscon

then went to disneyland and stayed with beth & chris for a couple of nights

we drove home to san luis and spent time with my family.

andru, mama & i went wine tasting

andru and i drove down to santa barbara.

paul steph & steph drove up.

we had lunch and enjoyed a short time each other.

june

i went to spain and spent a month in alicante, spain

with these students:

we went to granada, saw the alhambra and watched flamenco dancing inside of caves

we went to barcelona, saw museum after museum. cathedral after cathedral.

there is a holiday in alicante called hogueres, celebrating fire.

we watched fireworks throughout the day, burnings of monuments, and parades all day every day of the week.

and while in spain i met one of my best friends ever, mariam.

july

lizzy came out to san luis to visit.

mama, liz & i went wine tasting and decided on a whim to go to san francisco!

two of my dear friends and kindred spirits got married.

kayla (my roommate) and jordan got married!

andru flew out to celebrate!

august

i went to indiana and spent time with andru

we also took a trip up to chicago!

after my trip to indiana, i flew home to san luis to spend some with my parents.

i started my senior year in college.

im taking three social work classes. the classes i'm taking are in a cohort. all three classes are with the same two teachers and every student who is graduating with a bsw in may is in my cohort.

september

i went to indiana and we drove up to valpo to spend some time with the j's (andru's grandparents)

since school has started, my life is... social work.
all day. every day.

october

andru came to flagstaff for a visit!

we hung out with all my friends at brews & cues

a couple weeks later my mom and i went to chicago to celebrate her birthday!

we had a blast! dining, drinking, walking, touring, talking, laughing.

i had my interview for my internship at a downtown christian counseling center.

andru came up on my mom's birthday and we continued to dine, drink, walk, tour, talk and laugh!

also in october, i decided not to move to chicago. i don't think my time in flagstaff is done. while i was there, although i had the BEST time, and absolutely adore chicago, i had an overwhelming feeling of discontent and discomfort with the idea of a move.

i had my interview, and got the internship, but declined.

i am going to stay in flagstaff for my last semester, and i have the perfect internship at an alternative school for extremely "at risk" middle & high school students.

anyway.

then my brother came out to visit for a weekend.

we brought my mattress downstairs and watched movies. we ate till we were sick all weekend.

november

i flew out to eugene to see my two bestest friends in the whole world, steph f & steph s!

we ate the whole time. we went wine tasting. we talked and laughed. it was the best!

what else happened?

lizzy (my roommate) and her long term boyfriend kristopher (of 3 years) got engaged!

i'm so so so excited for them! they'll be married this summer!

all semester we've been working on a community project.

we were trying to raise books for the reading room in the flagstaff family food center.

well, we did it!

we raised over 2,300 books as well as hundreds and hundreds of dollars in gift cards!

we also held a family event at the east side library so people from the lower ses neighborhoods could come and get books for their families and spend time with each other.

it was a hit! we had a blast!

one sweet lady said "thank you so much for putting this event on. now i can give my children christmas presents this year!"

it was such a joy to be apart of something like this.

whats up coming?

on sunday i'm driving to vegas to celebrate my daddy's birthday with him!

we are gonna hit the roulette table and check out some ponies!

i can't wait for time with just me and my daddy!

then i'm going to san luis to celebrate thanksgiving with my mama, daddy, brother & grandparents!

december

in december i'm going back to indiana to visit andru for a weekend.

can't wait. its been too long!

my last day at pj is almost here too. im officially done being a pj girl in mid-december.

then i'll be going to san luis for the holidays!

andru is going to fly out for a week, and our plan is to go up to san francisco with paul. steph & steph are going to drive down and we'll spend a few days enjoying each other in san francisco!

thats the update.

osama.

2011-05-04T01:38:00.000-07:00

osama bin laden is dead.

i know. you know. your pet chinchilla knows.

anywhere and everywhere there is joy. celebration. rejoicing.

defacement of the man. mocking. ridicule.

pictures of the death. videos.

as you continue reading, id like to be clear.

i am proud to be an american where at least i know im free.

i am not traitor. i am no terrorist.

i am not in support of terrorism.

but... i am a social work student.

but more than that... i am a follower Jesus Christ.

as a social work student, i have an obligation to the national association of social work code of ethics. one of my favorite of the values is finding, recognizing and understanding the dignity and worth of every individual.

even osama.

as a follower of Jesus, i am called to a similar standard and hold the same value.

i want to state clearly, i understand the relief of the death of a major & dangerous terrorist.

i understand the man had death on his hands and hate in his heart.

but what i think people forget to remember is that he too, just as you and i, was a creation of God. he was knitted together by the works of our Father in his mother.

made in the image of our Creator by our Creator.

criminals are criminals for many different reasons.

mental illness.

cultural & religious influence.

traumatic experiences [ig. rape, molestation, witnessing or experiencing a heinous crime].

family.

satan's lies.

the blood of our loved ones are on his hands. his heart was filled with hate and evil. he was broken.

he listened the the voice of evil rather than truth.

relief for the death of a terrorist is understandable.

but we see toilet paper with osama's face on it, with X-ed out eyes and facebook posts with his bloody face posted everywhere with celebratory slogans.

if God loves him more than i am capable of loving anyone in my life, then the continued betrayal of a child, and the violent execution is heartbreaking not a time of celebration.

the heavens celebrate a new life, and mourn at the loss of another one. our hearts should match. but our celebrations are far grander for the death of an "enemy" than the salvation of a new believer ever before. our hearts feel no godly sorrow and mourning, but rather an earthly celebration of a false idea of a "victory".

my brother said "...and when people say they hope he rots in hell, that disgusts me. i can't imagine wanting anyone to go to hell."

i agree.

[i admire my brother a lot by the way].

if we choose to hate, then we are guilty of the same crime in our spirits that he was executed for.

as believer's we have an obligation & opportunity to love & show love.

but unfortunately, we are the one's saying the most hateful things.

my funk.

2011-04-26T16:01:00.000-07:00

my number one biggest downfall and fault?

i get stuck in frustration.

in a funk.

i dwell in its swamp. i wedge myself into its crevices.

i reside there with no idea how to get myself out.

i dont know whether or not i want out. while all i ache & desire for to be free.

this is how i feel:

i get it from my mother.

don't i mama?

now i have always been an extremely self aware individual.

normally i am really aware when something is up with me.

and when i am in my funk, i am perfectly aware im in it.

but i don't know how to get out.

which makes me even more frustrated!

i know every word and reaction is irrational and hurtful.

i feel like i'm all alone and everyone thinks im a psycho.

(do you see how i get deeper and deeper into my funk?)

what wrong with me, and how come i don't know how to get out of this mess?

but maybe i do...

because now that i'm jotting, i'm feeling much better.

i've been learning a lot about my funks.

solutions to cure or manage my funk?

someone listening and agreeing with everything i say... with empathy... with the freedom to yell and scream and say extremely irrational things, until finally i realize i'm being irrational

someone intervening and distracting to get my mind off of it..

submersion in prayer & worship

a long amount of alone time with Jesus

writing out what is going on internally & what happened that pissed me off

giving myself significant alone time
waiting to calm down... and communicating with other's gently

what is NOT helpful & is actually damaging

saying things to piss off everyone im upset with

brainstorming more things that upset me & continuing to add to my list of frustration

saying irrational hurtful things to those who don't know or understand how to filter me
reluctance to communicate and believing people should "figure it out themselves"... because you know what... they never ever do. so you just end up moving on. and when it happens again, on comes another internal fit along with a funk...

my first & natural reaction?

the latter.

what i'm learning to practice?

the former.

indiana

2011-04-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

i just got back to flagstaff from spending a few days in indiana with this guy...

he happens to be quite possibly the most attractive man alive....

i had the best time.

i always do.

he picked me up from the airport in indianapolis and from that moment on we had so much fun.

we laughed. a lot.

we ate. a lot.

we drank coffee. a lot.

we talked. a lot.

we laughed... some more.

this time was the hardest to leave.

but we get to see each other in 18 days.

we'll be spending time in flagstaff, tucson, disneyland, san luis.

can't wait.

im happy as a clam.

and absolutely smitten.

so much excitement.

2011-04-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

what's been going on?
what's gonna be going on?

spring break

kayla, steph & i jumped in my jeep, and headed for san luis for our spring break.

we had so much fun, and it was one of the best weeks ever.
[but we missed our dear roommate christine]

we started out the week by spending a day in downtown slo with mama.

we shopped & ate on the patio at novo.

we went to avila & explored pirates cove.

we had an entire beach day.

we read

we napped

we walked on the pier & up/down the shoreline

we relaxed & lounged on the beach

we went on a hike up poly canyon with my mama

[kayla calls cal poly "poly cally"]

we explored the architecture projects

each night we watched felicity & got kayla & my parents hooked.

we [kayla, steph & i] had dinner with nathan at firestone

then went back to his house, and enjoyed a night of leisure.

we all [12 of us] loaded up and went to avila.

we all hung out under the pier...

laughing. telling stories. enjoying each other. for a couple hours.

ps.. the picture below is hillary and her boyfriend [!!!] david.

the next day, we took stephanie to the santa barbara airport to fly back to flag.
she needed to get back to work last minute.
[everyone was so bummed...]

kayla & i spent the afternoon santa barbara.

we enjoyed lunch & roamed along state street, walked along the pier.
we also got to visit a dear friend of mine, tyler, who was in the hospital in sb.

we picked andru up at the santa barbara train station.

it was so good to see him!

i had not seen him since mid-february, so it was time!

we drove back up the coast, from santa barbara to san luis.

andu has been bitter about san luis since day one.

he mocks me and calls it "eden". since he can't handle that EVERYONE

[including oprah & national geographic] is obsessed with it.

but when we drove up that coast, saw the ocean to the left, the green hills to the right, he realized...

san luis IS eden

we went home, spent time with mama & daddy

and the best part?

we watched... winnie the pooh [!!!]

the next day we all went on a hike on madonna

[mom, andy, kayla, andru & me]

it was so fun & absolutely gorgeous

that evening we were having a bbq so we went back & got ready for it.

that night a few dear friends came over.

mama daddy and & i
andru & kayla

gram & pops

beth & her friend from school

sadie & her parents

nathan

so andru met the whole family.

and OF COURSE everyone loved the kid.

my entire family also fell madly in love with kayla & stephanie.

the next day we had to head back down to take andru to the airport

kayla & i also had to go back to school

the drive down was so fun.

andru kayla & i had a blast together.

saying goodbye to andru obviously was awful.

but sometimes the goodbyes show you how worth it it is.

they are so torturous and painful, that you realize why its painful.

i must say.. im really diggin this guy. a lot.

21 birthday

friday evening, four of my dear friends from pj celebrated my "power hour" with me.

[from left: lizzy, jo, me, kathy & taylar]

we hung out at kathy's for awhile before walking downtown.

my friend's christy, jade & aziel came downtown to celebrate with me as well!

so many people from the company i work for were there too!

the next day, i woke up late, obviously.

steph, christine & i went to breakfast.

that day [my actual birthday] i did nothing but eat brunch, and take a nap.

i also chatted with some family & friends.

that night, a few friends went out for dinner at a local flagstaff favorite with me.

steph b, kayla, jordan

me, steph & christine

that night, steph & i went to the movie "lincoln lawyer"

then we met up with lizzy & kristopher at a low key coffee house/martini bar

it was a fantastic couple of days.

i am so blessed by the people who shared wishes, time, drinks & hugs with me!

upcoming

wednesday

[4/13]

stephanie fleenor is coming to flagstaff!

she will be flying in on wednesday

we will be happy hour hopping & having a get together for all her friends to see her
a few days are MUCH needed with this lady
having one of my bestest friends of all time living across the country is not okay.

thursday

[4/14]

im flying to indiana to see andru!
i'll be there from thursday night till monday night.
i can't wait.

sunday
[4/10]
miss elizabeth baker [lizzy]'s birthday!

may
beth & abby are graduating from college
then i'll be flying back to flagstaff... and who will be picking me up from the flagstaff airport?
andrew scott fleenor.
we will be spending a couple of days in flagstaff.
then down to tucson for a couple of days also.
we will be: spending time with his mama, alli & i'll be getting the grand tour.
then back to san luis.
since he was only in slo for a couple days over spring break, he didn't even get a taste. so i'll be showing him everything. and he'll be ranting & raving about eden as well..
we'll get 10 days together before he flies back to the midwest.
i'll be in slo for another two weeks before flying across the world to spain.

june
spain

july
spending some time in slo
with mama, daddy, and, hill, nathan, gram&pops

kayla & jordan are getting married & i'm moving back to flagstaff

i'm moving in with lizzy[!!!]

me and this little lady will be roommates.
literally. we are sharing a room.
i have only shared a room with one other person [hillary mason] for 3 months, in my whole life.
i am really excited to live with one of my dearest and closest friends before moving across the country.
not to mention she lives walking distance to downtown.
we have already made plans for
sunday farmers market
evening drinks
morning walks
bike rides

august-dec
flagstaff & my last semester of classes

january
moving to chicago

so much excitement.

its official...

2011-03-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

i'm going to

SPAIN

i booked my flight

alicante, spain

i'm spending the month of june here:

i'm taking two classes

child welfare & sociocultural aging

it is a faculty led trip

led by my favorite professor

im flying to spain on may 31 & getting back july 1

then i'll be in slo from july 1-14

then back to flaggy for the rest of the summer

my two dear friends jordan & kayla are getting married

i will be living with one of my dearest and closest friends

lizzy baker [!!]

then i'll be spending a week or so in chicago with mama & auntie.

and perhaps a few days with andru in indiana.

in other news...

my birthday

is in just over one week.

i will finally be

its about time

due to the fact that my two bestest friends [both named stephanie] are significantly older than me, it seems like i should have been 21 years ago. literally.

so finally its happening.

im celebrating with some local girlfriends for my birthday weekend.

then stephanie is coming out to celebrate

[which is must needed. i miss the girl to absolute death.]

then im going to indiana to visit andru

im kind of excited for the next couple months

Love Languages

2011-03-21T15:30:00.000-07:00

I have heard a lot about the book
The 5 Love Languages
from Christians everywhere.

I have always been irritated by it.

BUT.

I had a long and extremely enjoyable dinner date with a good friend of mine, Steph B.

She is engaged and planning a wedding for the winter.

She mentioned this book and strongly encouraged me to take the Love Language Quiz.

Her and Joel, her fiance both took the quiz and learned more about themselves and one another by reading it.

Steph is Quality Time.

Joel is Words of Affirmtion.

They have learned so much about the others love language and worked to enhance their relationship by working on it.

Welp. I took the quiz.

My primary Love Languages are:

Quality Time & Physical Touch

The cool thing about taking the quiz and reading about it, is that you get to discover not only how you successfully receive and feel love, but also how you disperse it.

Many couples don't understand how they, themselves receive love, or how their partner or spouse receives it either. Many times, their love languages are completely polar opposite, so one is giving love the way they know how, and the other is not receiving it.

Steph said that understanding Joel's love language, betters the way she decides to love him.

So here I am. Encouraging you. Your partner. Your friends.

Take the quiz.
&
Learn About Your/Your Honey's Language

Andru took the quiz with me last night.

Luckily and thankfully, we not only share the exact same primary love languages, but our sequence is the same.

1&2.

(tied)

Quality Time & Physical Touch

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Gifts

What is interesting, is that Stephanie Staten also took the test, and she has the exact same sequence as well.

Andru and I naturally, quickly and easily hit it off.

Stephanie and I naturally, quickly and easily hit it off.

Andru & Stephanie naturally, quickly and easily hit if off.

My mother and father are completely different.

My mom: Acts of Service & Quality Time

My father: Words of Affirmation & Physical Touch

Steph & Joel, also different.

Do those with the same love languages hit it off or is it true that opposites attract?

headin' home..

2011-03-10T07:11:00.000-08:00

and i can't wait to see these lovely folks


family. minus my shnoogs.

andru. meeting the entire cast of family & friends.

hill.

and & sadie [and her parents]

the g-rents.

beth & abby.

i'm really excited to come home!

i could use some

time with mama.

r & r.

san luis coffee shops.

roommate time.

hot tubbin'.

maintenance on the jeep.

family. friends.

beer. wine. food.

time with andru.

it is on and i can't wait.

we leave sunday morning and i couldn't be more ready.

new york.

2011-03-05T00:13:00.000-08:00

i am missing new york.

a lot

right now.

i went summer of 2009.

i went summer 2010.

and its been too long.

i have gotten 100% hooked to

sex & the city.

the hbo television series.

what i love about sex & the city is that, unlike many shows like friends, it is set & filmed in new york.

also i have recently gotten involved with the show

felicity.

what i have decided is..

i absolutely miss & love new york.

isn't it great?

Chicago

2011-02-24T12:56:00.000-08:00

Being that I am apart of Northern Arizona Universities Social Work Program

I am to complete a field placement internship

I can move anywhere. I can do most anything.

I have been thinking about moving out of Flagstaff for my internship for quite some time now.

But where?

Portland. New York. San Francisco. Chicago.

I have decided that Chicago is the one that I want.

Why, you ask?

Chicago is new

Chicago is big

Chicago is a real city

Chicago has lots to do

Chicago is absolutely beautiful

Chicago has a new climate I am not used to, and excited to experience

Chicago is filled with people, and I don't know a soul

Chicago is covered in beautiful Christian communities & resources

Chicago is a different world than Flagstaff & San Luis Obispo

Chicago is a new fresh start for me

Chicago has a lot of internship opportunities

Chicago is a couple hours away from Andru Fleenor

So now I have to find & choose an internship.

I have found one place I am interested in:

Cornerstone Counseling Center of Chicago

I would love to work for a counseling center, especially a Christian one

I would also love to work for a school district, since I do want to be a school counselor

One of my professors went to Wheaton College, so I am going to talk to her about opportunities.

Lisa, my manager at PJ has a friend who lives in the area who rents out apartments/flats in a beautiful old house.

I am beginning to form resources through my network

But more than anything, I am desiring God's will.

I could use some prayer in the following

Where does He want me

To Live

To Work

Thank you!

So I will be, potentially, moving the first of the new year.

January 2012

I'm getting excited.

finding rest.

2011-02-19T18:45:00.000-08:00

last evening, christine's good friend neshe and her husband came into town.

neshe and daniel who went to nau and were really involved with intervarsity, recently graduated and got married.

now they live down in the phoenix area, so they decided to come up to flagstaff for the weekend.

christine's boyfriend andy who lives in tucson is in town as well.

so last night christine, andy, neshe, daniel & i sat around the living room, drinking coffee & wine by the fireplace.

it was absolutely lovely.

neshe began to talk about how, now that she is a wife, and is waiting till the fall to begin working, God has really begun to teach her what rest really means.

she and i have a lot in common. we are planners. we are always thinking forward and never are present.

she brought up the idea that there is the obvious:

resting in the Lord.

spending time with Him. writing. journalling. talking. listening. being. resting.

and physical rest.

sleep. nap. lounge.

but that there is also a place of personal rest apart from those two.

rest for the body, the mind, the soul, the heart.

where one is energized

where their whole being

sighs a sigh of relief.

we began thinking and discussing it.

mine is easy.

rest is time with my roommates.

i find the most rest when i am downstairs in my house with them.

talking. crying & laughing with these three beautiful women of God.

i would rather be home than anywhere else.

we can giggle about sex

we can cry over confessions and convictions

we can talk deeply about Jesus

we can discuss social issues & politics

for hours and hours and hours

if there is one place that is home on this earth

it is my living room in flagstaff arizona

with

stephanie staten

christine page

kayla smith

after my time with them i am

rejuvenated

energized

calm

restored

and feeling perfectly

rested

if i am upset, overwhelmed, overjoyed, excited or anything

the first ones i will tell or talk to are these three

for spring break

in three weeks

us four are road tripping to my home town of

san luis obispo

i can't wait

Visiting Indiana

2011-02-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

I wrote this summary of my trip to the Midwest during my layover in the Phoenix Sky Harbor airport last night.

Andru and I had been counting down the days till we got to see one another. Anticipation, excitement, and nerves were taking over! Luckily we both had the busiest school week we’ve had, which was helpful, because if not, the days would have taken forever to pass.

Finally Thursday came. I had a basket full of to-dos: a test, writing prompts, a presentation. After school, I ran to work, blogged it up for PJ, and ran home to get ready to head out. I had been packed for days before I left. Of course.

Steph took me to the airport, which is becoming quite a ritual for us. We are constantly dropping one another off at airports. Its kinda cute…

The flight from Flagstaff to Phoenix is always a breeze. I got the treat of watching about 10 minutes of the Laker game as I waiting in my terminal for my flight to Indianapolis. It was a LONG flight, and the anticipation of seeing Andru did not help.

We landed about 30 minutes early, and the moment I landed my phone rang. “I was tracking your flight and saw you were landing early so I left work early. I’m here!” We exchanged confessions about nervousness.

As I strutted down the aisle with my leopard carry-on in hand, I saw him. Both of us were so nervous. We hugged for probably two minutes and then knew it was time for some Starbucks, since it was 1am, but we didn’t let the other one go. We chatted it up with the barista, and told him our whole story. He was actually quite excited about it, and told us about his experiences watching people reunite, and others saying goodbye outside of the gates.

We got in the car, and began driving. It was absolutely bazaar to see him in real life. It took some time to get used to the fact that we weren’t talking through a screen. Andru said in the car, “Do I feel like I’m dating my computer sometimes? Yes.” Since we either talk on the telephone or Skype for a few hours every night, I kind of feel the same way… Andru’s roommate Blake’s infamous quote is “I have never known anyone to talk as much and as long as you two do!”

On the way home we stopped by the market to grab some coffee, which was necessary and very well used and consumed this weekend. I walked into his apartment, where Blake warmly welcomed me. Blake has become a buddy of mine over the past month, since he joins Andru and my video chats quite frequently. He had cleaned & vacuumed for my arrival. We all sat and talked for quite a long time, before he went to study for his three exams he was having the next day. Andru and I were still in shock, but had a wonderful time chatting over coffee and Cinnamon Life.

The next morning we woke up and lounged around for a while, drinking more coffee and eating more Cinnamon Life, talking and laughing.

Andru had a presentation for class, so I joined him. I was anxious and nervous about joining him in class, but it ended up being super fun. I met his HTM (hospitality & tourism management) friends, and got a tour of Purdue, which is absolutely beautiful. (Sadie, you were right!) I got to see Purdue’s hotel, The Union Club Hotel, where Andru works. I got to meet his co-workers who all knew exactly who I was. In fact, almost everyone I met knew who I was, where I went to school, where I grew up, and exactly how long I was going to be there. The truth is, everyone in my life knows everything about Andru as well.

As we were roaming, Andru’s dad called and they chatted for a while. His dad suggested making a stop along the tour, “Make sure to take Alissa on over to Admissions so she can apply and transfer! There are only two kinds of people in this world, Boilermakers and those who wish they were!” Randy, Andru’s dad, went to Purdue.

That night was date night, so we went to one of Andru’s favorite places. After dinner we went over to hang out with Kimmy & Jason, two of Andru’s best friends. I fell in love with them immediately. We sat in the living room, and talked for hours. Kimmy and I discussed our shared obsession with serial killers, and animals. Over and over again Jason would say to Andru “She is the female version of you!” Which is kind of true. Throughout the trip we realized that. We have the same reactions to situations. We die laughing at the same jokes. We are picking up on each other’s mannerisms and ways of speaking.

Kimmy and I totally hit it off. We were all joking about how perfect it would be if I were to move to Indiana. I then decided I needed to go back. So we discussed the necessity of me flying back out in April.

The next day Andru and I left to go to Chicago. He lives about two hours away, so we listened to music, talked, laughed more and more. We went to his favorite Thai place for lunch, and roamed around for a few hours.

We couldn’t stay for long because we needed to get to Andru’s grandparents (the J’s) house for a late dinner. They live about an hour away from Chicago in northern Indiana, and might I say, these people are absolutely adorable. We enjoyed the evening of dinner, a movie and a good chat over coffee & dessert. The next day we went to their Super Senior Sunday School that his grandpa leads. I got to meet a lot of adorable humans, who all seemed to adore Andru.

We all went out to lunch with Andru’s aunt and her husband. After church we went home and chatted some more. I fell in love with these two people. We had to get on the road, so we left so we could make it for Sunday Night Dinner at Blake’s dad’s house, which was also a complete blast. We spent the evening eating, chatting and laughing. Andru had to make a short group meeting on campus, so we darted out to get some coffee and meet up with the group, which ended up being a 10-minute meeting. We were both absolutely exhausted from our nights of activities.

Night with Blake

Night with Kimmy & Jason

Night with the J’s

Night with Blake’s family

So we decided on just going home and lounge.

We got the chance to relax, get some things done, and just spend time talking.

This morning we woke up, and dreaded the day, knowing I had to leave. We had gotten quite used to real life relationship, and thinking about a telephone & computer screen does not sound appealing in the slightest. So we had more coffee & Cinnamon Life, and talked more.

He had an exam tonight, so I took a shuttle to the airport. It left early so I through my stuff in my leopard bag, and we left.

We stopped on the way to the shuttle, to get some sandwiches, and then waited at Andru’s work for the Lafayette Limo. It wasn’t really hitting me that I was leaving, but when I said goodbye and got on, and saw him waving goodbye I lost it. I was a sudden mess. The girl next to me tapped my shoulder and held out a box of Kleenex. She was also visiting her boyfriend at Purdue, and was leaving him… but unlike myself, she was prepared.

When I got to the airport I stopped by the ticket counter, and using a voucher I had been saving, I got a ticket to visit again in April.

Afterwards I went back to our Starbucks, where a few days before Andru and I had been telling the barista about our excitement. I got an Americano, Andru’s favorite, in memory of him, and a classic crumble coffee cake, which is my favorite, because I deserved it. So I treated myself.

But this interaction with the barista was filled with much less excitement.

I am currently on the flight from Indianapolis to Phoenix, which hasn’t been as bad as I thought it was going to be. It is actually going by faster than the way there. The complimentary beverage was a disappointment, since I got coffee and it was not only disgusting, but was…cold.

So overall thoughts from my trip to the Midwest:

Andru is an absolute doll and I’m incredibly impressed by him

I love his grandparents, his roommates, his friends and who he is with all of them

He is an incredibly respectful man with integrity, honesty, humility, and a servant selfless heart

I love that all day everyday we can get coffee and talk with never ending laughter

I love Chicago and Purdue

I miss Stephanie Fleenor so so much

I hate layovers

happy birthday!

2011-02-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

to my dear friend & sister

sadie mae

my brother's girlfriend of over 3 years is

20 years old today

sadie

i hope your day is filled with lots of fun, confetti, sugar, rainbows, unicorns & magic.

i hope this new year of life is filled with joy & blessings.

you are a sweetheart, and i love you so much.

enjoy your day & your new year.

and if andy doesn't treat you like an absolute queen today, let me know.

i'll beat him up.

happy birthday doll.

back home.

2011-01-27T00:03:00.000-08:00

im back in flagstaff. and i missed it more than i thought i would.

in fact. i really do love it here.

i missed my best friend stephanie.

i missed my other two wonderful roommates.

i missed my home. my room. my bed.

i missed my friends. my coworkers. my job.

my classmates. my professors.

i missed my little jeep.

i missed life here.

when i got back i really realized how much i really do dig this place.

i started school.

all social work classes. and i love it.

im taking

social policy

generalist practice

mental health

research methods

... and some random online classes ...

since getting back

i have spent a lot of time with this young man

via skype & el teléfono.

we have weekly date nights...

last week we had pasta night.

we cooked together and sat and had a date.

this week is tomato soup night.

thats tomorrow. can't wait.

[thats our recipe mama]

stephanie's 25th birthday was on sunday!

january 23

is she not absolutely beautiful?

so steph, me, christine, andy (christine's boyfriend), kayla, jordan (kayla's fiance), and paul all drove down to sedona to go to a delicious birthday dinner at cucina rustica.

we got wine, shared appitizers & desserts.

it was absolutely perfect.

made me love my roommates 23048230948 times more.

it has been pleasant in these parts as well.

kinda chilly. but sunny & all the snow is almost melted.

the only place there is a trace of snow is where the shade likes to nap throughout the day.

happy birthday to chelsea parker

today she is 21 years old

we used to be 5 together

gram & pops

got back from hawaii, and i had the best chat with gram gram.

miss that little lady to absolute death.

mama & daddy

are in mexico and im missing my phone chats with them.

excited for them to get back.

i'm ready to hear daddy's sweet voice saying "love you pumpkin"

and long chats with mama.

ps.

gma & ma both got facebook

and i am LOVING it.

i video chatted with jordie!

she is a forever sister. thats for sure.

and... guess what...

TWO WEEKS

from now

i'll be in indiana with andru!

can't. wait.

goodnight.

whats new.

2011-01-14T17:28:00.000-08:00

you haven't seen this face in awhile

so i thought i'd update you on my life.. before life begins again..

my friend ashley and i hosted a christmas soiree..

my family celebrated christmas.

this was chris' first year as a legal part of the family.

jim couldn't make it. and we missed him a ton.

but it was awesome being all back together!

it was our last christmas with sugar.

she was 13, and getting really sick and old.

it would only be selfish to keep her alive so we put her down.

the family has been emotional and we miss her to death.

i've had awful dreams about it.

but it was what was best.

but i sure do miss my shnoooooogs.

i flew up to seattle to spend new years with my best friend stephanie & her brother andru.

steph andru & i spent a few days together in seattle & portland.

then paul & steph staten [roomie] came out and we successfully moved steph down to eugene, or.

on my last day in town, steph[s] & i got...

TATTOOS

the place was super awesome.

it was in this old house in downtown eugene.

"mild bill" has been doing it for 20 years and talked us through everything.

it was a super cool experience.

i've been wanting this for almost two years and finally got it.

"i am His and He is mine"

steph [f] got a symbollic potted plant on the back of her right shoulder.

steph [s] got a symbollic tree on the back of her left shoulder.

time with steph [f] was absolutely wonderful.

she means the world to me, and there isn't much i wouldn't do for her.

her being hundreds and hundreds of miles away is painful and awful.

but we are friends for the long haul.

she is more of a sister than a friend and i feel like our hearts are sown together by God.

i'm super proud of her and her success.

she is now working on opening the red lobster in eugene, which is so exciting.

keep her in your prayers.

in other news...

i got myself a man.

yep. sure did.

since i have been asked for the story & info.. i thought this would be appropriate.

so my friend steph [f] graduated last spring [may]. her family came into town [flagstaff] for it.

at the graduation, i met steph's brother [andru].

he was conveniently my age. & ridiculously funny. & attractive.

he came back out in july to move steph out to the pacific northwest.

the night he got into town we had a little goodbye get together for steph.

started diggin him then.

i decided that night to drive with him, steph [s] & steph [f] to sf the next day and then fly back the day after that.

so i did. bought my ticket. and we left.

the entire trip was awsome.

i flew back... and was absolutely smitten. my heart occupied by him.

so months went by.

finally an opportunity came again.

with my friend kristin's wedding in vegas.

before seeing him i was a wreck.

but the moment i saw him, i was suddenly comfortable & felt at home.

the entire time in vegas was wonderful.

so i was tortured again.

but i planned a trip to see steph for new years and later heard he was going to come as well.

from the moment i got to washington it was just awesome.

after it was completely obviously we had mutual feelings for one another we went to kettlemen bagels in portland and he talked to me about it.

not corny. no DTR format.

just raw. real. genuine. heartfelt. honest.

but completely charming & melting.

i don't feel like im dating some guy.

i feel like i'm continuing to get to know a good friend who knows me, my heart, & my characteristics.

he's a good [christian] man with a good heart & i bust a gut every time i interact with him because he's so funny.

he has a desire for God's heart in our relationship & is constantly seeking the Lord in prayer.

its also helpful that im utterly obsessed with his sister & the rest of his family.

fun facts about andru:

he's my age. [20]

goes to purdue. third year.

studying hospitality & tourism management.

he was raised in tucson, az

so thats andru.

& thats andru & alissa.

im completely smitten.

i'm going back to flagstaff [school & work] on monday.

thats my update

vegas.

2010-11-22T14:55:00.000-08:00

so whats been going on since i last posted?

well...

went to vegas this weekend with a few friends for a wedding.

i got to see stephanie & bethany and a few other friends.

here are some photos from the trip to vegas.

snow.

2010-11-08T20:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight

Breezy. Mostly cloudy with snow and rain showers in the evening...partly cloudy after midnight. Snow accumulation around 1 inch. Snow level 7000 feet in the evening. Lows 22 to 28. Southwest winds 15 to 25 mph until early morning becoming light. Chance of precipitation 60 percent.

favorite photo.

2010-11-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

san francisco, summer 2010

[bold] love.

2010-11-01T00:25:00.000-07:00

i have been feeling exponentially forgotten and abandoned.

i have noticed an extreme change in my exposure to fellowship & socialization.

i am a junior.

not leading with iv.

not really attending iv.

not to mention, i am not on facebook.

this is dangerous for my social life.

i have lost a few friendships and i'm kinda bumming about it.

out of sight, out of mind is how i am feeling.

but.

while focusing on a few decaying friendships i realize the beautiful and blossoming ones...

i have 3 best friends in flagstaff.

stephanie, lizzy and christy.

must i not forget about my dear discipleship/mentor girls

ashley, ariel, rachel and jaclyn.

tom, paul and geoff.

or my roommates

kayla and christine.

[which is truly the blessing of my year]

and my distant [in miles] friends

hillary, jordan, stephanie, alli, cam, natalie, talar and emily.

and my family

mom, dad and and.

not even to mention my close knit extended fam.

being close with each of these individuals is

intimate, consistent, affirming, comforting, heartening and filled with love.

i am

accepted, loved, treasured, pursued, prayed for and encouraged.

i know that forevermore i will be close to these brothers and sisters of mine, no matter the time or distance.

i feel completely blessed by the relationships i have with these individuals.

i have been so suppressed with feeling forgotten by few, that i have not celebrated the strong/consistent/encouraging [and numerous] friendships in which i possess.

i have been blessed.

roommate night.

2010-10-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

what a treat tonight has been.

we have decided monday night is roommate night and tonight was our first.

we are constantly home together having fun, watching movies, chatting.

but we have decided to have some intentional weekly time together.

so tonight we

had a fire

turned off the lights

lit some candles

made dinner

poured some wine

gathered around the coffee table

and chatted

so here is us,

me, christine, kayla & stephanie.

we had the best time.

we seriously enjoy time together so much.

after dinner we decided to make a trip across town for some coffee & pie.

good night with three really good friends.

now we are watching the rest of tyler perry's "daddy's little girls"

and i cannot wait to see tyler perry's "for colored girls"

good morning!

2010-10-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

goin' back to my natural color (grandma is excited)

and took out the nose ring (grandpa is excited)

last night i had a great time with two friends naya & kris who i met in pj.

the two adorable middle aged women came into pj one day and we hung out in the dressing room trying on oodles & oodles of things and coming up with ideas of what to wear with it.

we ended up having so much fun that they asked for my phone number and said "next time we are in flagstaff we wanna go get jalapeno margaritas and shop with you!"

so last night we went to one of my favorite places, criollo, had drinks & the yummiest dinner with dessert! we were there for hours chatting. it felt good to be with women, discussing real, important & significant things. it was so fun.

today i am going to my friend ashley's for our mentoring/discipleship group. then i'm having coffee with my buddy geoff. then maybe i'll have a make over night. watch a movie.

in other news... i cut steph's hair!

and she looks gorgeous!

she has always loved short hair, and so on monday night we decided to chop it! so we went to target, got some cutting sheers, and i cut her hair!

doesn't she look gorgeous?!

she is definitely made for short hair.

so in a month, friends kristin & brandon are getting married in vegas, and i'm so excited!

one of my dearest friends stephanie is going, and i cannot wait to see her!

the last night i saw her was on pier 39, with saddened tears & goodbyes.

so in less than a month i get joyful tears & hellos!

i cannot wait.

steph & i have already picked out & tried on our outfits.

cant wait!

have a great day!

weekend.

2010-10-17T17:28:00.000-07:00

thursday.

went to school, then work.

then lizzy & i made dinner.

lizzy, christine, kayla & i went to intervarsity.

i came home.

alli came over.

drank tea.

did homework.

friday.

worked.

watched movies with christine.

sent mama a birthday package.

dinner with alli & we saw the town.

[it was my third time].

sleep over.

saturday.

paul picked me up for a day at the park.

he made a picnic lunch for us.

we people watched, played a lot of catch [football], badminton, talked.

we made dinner with steph.

watched the count of monte cristo [he'd never seen it. its my favorite movie.]

sunday [today].

breakfast with alli.

cleaned to praise songs.

watched [the best episode ever of] law & order svu.

planned my outfit for an upcoming wedding in vegas [!!!].

went shopping with steph & paul.

lunch at beaver street brewery [beaver creek mama ;)].

watched pocahautas with paul, steph, kayla & jordan.

tonight:

i get to video chat with jordie[!!!]

all i want to do now is watch the many adventures of winnie the pooh but no one is as into it as me!

this week

monday.

school.

roommate night.

tuesday.

school.

work.

accountability/discipleship/mentoring small group.

wednesday.

school.

steph time.

sex group.

thursday.

school.

work.

so thats all

home.

2010-10-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

i have decided that i'm going to be home quite a bit for the holidays.

thanksgiving

i'll be home monday nov 22.

i'll be home for a week, then flying back to flag on the 29th.

christmas

i'm flying home late monday night, on dec 20th. i'm home until january 17th!

which means i'll be home for hillary's birthday & my grandma's birthday!

just so you know..

prince of egypt.

2010-10-10T23:46:00.000-07:00

stephanie and i have been craving the prince of egypt for days.

the last time i watched it was my freshman year it college.

a few friends and i watched it in mine & hillary's dorm room.

half way through everyone was asleep but me.

and i was a sobbing mess. overwhelmed by the beautiful story of moses and the power & glory of God.

so after i made dinner...

[which was a plate full of fresh veggies: broccoli, brussel sprouts, zucchini, onion, jalapeno, garlic & cabbage. for dessert we had frozen green grapes... yum!]...

we turned on the movie, and cried through the entire thing.

another one of my roommates christine came downstairs, after hearing the music, to watch it with us. she was crying too.

when the movie ended we started discussing the movie, comparing and contrasting it to the Bible. we began to share deeply & emotionally, and all got to crying even more. i broke down when sharing the jealousy i feel for moses, when he enters into the presence of God at the burning bush. that he is so overwhelmed that he falls to the floor.

feeling distanced from God and far from His presence, i wanted to be there, where moses was.

"i want to fall on my face!" i cried out in hysteria.

i guess i've just been feeling deeply homesick. a deep desire to be home with God.

feeling the distance and difference between heaven and earth.

i'm annoying, aggravated, agitated, and just plain sick of feeling a world away from God, because the truth is, i'm not.

christine, stephanie asked if they could pray for and with me, and we sat on the floor and prayed.

for a long time.

crying. using a lot of tissue. running the bathroom to grab the TP when we ran out of tissue.

the only problem with the night was not having kayla here to share the time with.

i couldn't adore these women more.

encouraging. praying. growing. learning. loving. serving. sharing.

by the way..

i was having dinner with adriane the other night. and after reading my last post she asked about portland. we discussed the move, as well as the way i feel about flagstaff. lets just say i wasn't saying the most loving and affections words about it here.

she said to me

think of where you were when you came to flagstaff. you were a totally different person than you are now. maybe its been hard and maybe you haven't loved every second. three of your best friends left, you went through an awful break up, you have had uncomfortable relationship problems. but because of all of that and what God has done here and how He's used it, you have been refined, you have grown & learned and become. so don't think bitterly about flagstaff because you are you because of your journey here.

she is right! thanks adriane :)

goodnight!