my funk.

my number one biggest downfall and fault?

i get stuck in frustration. 

in a funk.

i dwell in its swamp. i wedge myself into its crevices. 

i reside there with no idea how to get myself out.

i dont know whether or not i want out. while all i ache & desire for  to be free.

this is how i feel:

i get it from my mother.

don't i mama?

now i have always been an extremely self aware individual.

normally i am really aware when something is up with me.

and when i am in my funk, i am perfectly aware im in it.

but i don't know how to get out.

which makes me even more frustrated!

i know every word and reaction is irrational and hurtful.

i feel like i'm all alone and everyone thinks im a psycho.

(do you see how i get deeper and deeper into my funk?)

what wrong with me, and how come i don't know how to get out of this mess?

but maybe i do...

because now that i'm jotting, i'm feeling much better.

i've been learning a lot about my funks.

solutions to cure or manage my funk?

someone listening and agreeing with everything i say... with empathy... with the freedom to yell and scream and say extremely irrational things, until finally i realize i'm being irrational

someone intervening and distracting to get my mind off of it..

submersion in prayer & worship

a long amount of alone time with Jesus

writing out what is going on internally & what happened that pissed me off

giving myself significant alone time
waiting to calm down... and communicating with other's gently

what is NOT helpful & is actually damaging

saying things to piss off everyone im upset with

brainstorming more things that upset me & continuing to add to my list of frustration

saying irrational hurtful things to those who don't know or understand how to filter me
reluctance to communicate and believing people should "figure it out themselves"... because you know what... they never ever do. so you just end up moving on. and when it happens again, on comes another internal fit along with a funk...

my first & natural reaction?

the latter.

what i'm learning to practice?

the former.